Horror Movie Ch 6 Gas Station Hell
Author: japancat
Content Rating: T-13
Published: 2012-07-09 17:04:29
Tags: Yu Yu Hakusho, Humor, Parody, Hiei, Kurama, Kuwabara, Keiko, Yukina, Karasu

They stop at a gas station... manned by none other than KARASU.

Author´s Notes and Disclaimers:
The dark atmosphere's gonna take some time to get through. I just think it'd be more disturbing if the characters went back to being wacky and happy if someone just died. Kind of not really what I was going for.
Chapter 6
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Chapter 6: Gas Station Hell

Kurama parked the car in front of gas pump number four and started to get out. He stopped halfway through to tell everyone to wait there, but get out and stretch if they needed to. (Of course no one did so. Hiei was busy chewing on the tips of his fingers, Keiko was occupied with the window, Kuwabara wasn't willing to risk going out and getting bit by a zombie, and Yukina was sandwiched in the middle and preferably wasn't willing to speak up whether she wanted to leave.) He tried not to sigh out loud as he stepped out of the car. He went to the pump, then noticed there was no way for him to pay by credit card, though he wouldn't have done so even if he has one. He turned back to the car.

"Hiei, could you get out?" Kurama asked.

Hiei stared at a cuticle glistening with his own spit, wondering why the red water wasn't coming out because it likes it when it comes out. "I could."

"Then get out."

"You asked me if I could, not if I will at the moment, and in fact that's not even a command so I would have no inclination to do so, and even if you commanded me, I wouldn't do it anyway, because I don't have to do shit. Except die."

"Would you do it for Mukuro?" Kuwabara asked. Hiei turned around and spat in his face. "God, you're so- Oh god, some just went in my mouth. It's like I just kissed you except… Oh god, make it stop."

"Hiei, you should apologize to Kazuma!" Yukina said.

Hiei curled up into a his little shell, refusing to escargot the hell home. And then after a few minutes of silence, he muttered some pseudo-apology, to which Kuwabara muttered, "What a dick," along with something about being scarred for life.

"And you should also do what Kurama says too."

"You are not the boss of me!" And then Hiei got out of the car anyway. "What the hell do you want me to do?"

"Just put the pump in the car. I'm gonna go in and pay for this."

"Why can't you do it yourself?"

"Just shut up and do it."

Hiei spit at the ground then proceeded to take the gas pump out. Satisfied, Kurama walked into the convenience store, hearing a strange creak in the door. He decided he would remind the attendant that the door needs a good oiling. He walked to the counter, his eyes turned towards his pocket. He looked up. "Okay I need…. Oh dear god, not you!"

Karasu was standing behind the counter…. menacingly! "Yes, me, Kurama my dearest. Now what can I do to service you?"

"Absolutely nothing!" He stormed out, nearly crashing into something on the way out since the thunder and lightning were blocking his view. He walked straight to the car. "Hiei, get over here. I think I'll have you pay for the-"

"What the hell? First you tell me to pump this crap in the car and now you're telling me to go pay for this and…"

"Look, it's not like I'm not really paying for it, here's the…"

"Do I look like a maid to you?"

"Do I look like a maid to you?"

"As a mater of fact you do."

"And how the fuck do I look like a maid?"

"You're wearing black."

"…Well… Well, you have long hair so you look like a girl? And you're not even a pretty girl either so go to hell!" Hiei kicked the side of the car to make sure his point was maid. Sorry, made. "And what the hell is in the store that you can't pay for this shit anyway? Did you chip a nail opening the door, huh, you fairy?"

"Okay, I may be able to take being called gay, Hiei, but being called a girl, even a pretty girl is something I will not stand for! Now you get in that bloody store or I will take this rose and shove it so far down your throat that… That… It will be very very very VERY unpleasant, okay? So don't mess with me."

Hiei rolled his eyes and took the money and walked into the store. Instantly the song "Thriller" was an assault on his ears. He walked to the counter anyway, though he couldn't see over the counter, he still knew who it was. "Karasu."

Then Karasu leaned over the counter and looked him in the eyes and said like a true Slytherin, "Yessssssssssssssssssssss…. My dear conssssssumer….?"

"The only pump that's in use needs to get paid for."

"Is that all?"

"Depends, do you have any Snickers?"


"Kit kats?"


"The hell do you have then?"

"I could… maybe… make you taller. Imagine it, Hiei, one foot taller like everyone else. In fact, I can make you dwarf all of those people out there."

Hiei paused, looked up at the mirror on the ceiling. Then he could finally go to a roller-coaster, now that he thinks about it. Then that douche bag at the carnival can stop laughing at turning him away from riding the roller-coaster that one time when he was five years old. And then Mukuro could stop flicking him on the forehead in her sleep. Wait, when did hat happen? Anyway… One foot taller… "What's the condition?"

"I want your soul. And then I'll do whatever I want with your body."

"Hell no!"

"I'd just put you in a maid dress, that's all."

"I'm not a damn maid!"

"Well, you're wearing black and white right now. Doesn't help much."

"It's called goth, not emo or vampire or maids. Get it fucking right."

"Look, man. Are you gonna give me something for that gas?" Karasu leaned over the counter and tried to breathe into Hiei's face. Then he realized that he was wearing a mask so this wouldn't quite work out right, but the point was made since Hiei wasn't used to seeing people's faces up close like that. Other than Mukuro.

I'm gonna fucking kill that narrator some day. Hiei looked out the window. "Do you want Kuwabara? You can have him."

"Oh no, he's totally straight."

"What, and I'm not?"

There was an awkward silence. "Can you give me something of Kurama's then? Like an article of clothing… a shoe would do just fine. Though if you could get something a little close if you know what I mean…"

"Can't you just take this damn payment?" Hiei waved it in Karasu's face.

"Your money is no good here… unless you…"

Hiei ran out. In a second he returned with a lock of hair in his hands. He dropped it on the counter and ran out before Karasu would show him what he would do with it. Kurama reached at his right side lock of hair. His face and hair turned white.

Kuwabara got out of the car and looked at Kurama then at Hiei. He picked at his teeth in thought and asked, "Hey, so… Did you guys… just when our backs were turned?"

"No Kuwabara!" Kurama snapped out of his temporary shock. He grabbed at the two bunches of hair framing his face. "Do you see this?"

"It's just…"

"Hiei just ruined my… my…. SYMMETRY!"

"Kurama, your hair looks like a fox's ass. It's not that bad if it gets cut. If you actually cut your disgusting hippy hair for once in your life then people would stop thinking you're a girl and then you can stop calling me at one in the morning because some dude at a bar hit on you," Hiei replied. He started to go into the car, but stopped reaching for the door handle.

"Well, your hair looks like a fire's ass! If it had one!" Kurama grumbled to himself and got in the passenger seat.

"Right… So anyway, I just checked on my phone where we were and I saw that there's a restaurant down the ways from us," Kuwabara said.

"You have a what?" Hiei asked.

"A phone it's a…"

"I know what a phone is, failtard. You mean to tell me you had one and you didn't say anything? You know how useful that would be? Or would have been several chapters ago?"

Kuwabara rolled his eyes. "What? You think I'm stupid? There's obviously zombies at home! Just like there's OBVIOUSLY a rapist in Lincoln Parts!"

Hiei, who doesn't know much about memes nor would he approve of such things created by the riffraff on the internet, just grunted and got in the backseat. Kuwabara sighed and got in the driver's seat. He wasn't sure being elected at the team leader felt as good as he hoped it would. He turned around.

"So everyone okay with getting food right now? My stomach's freaking growling and I can't run on empty," he said.

"Is it really safe to get anything?" Yukina asked.

"Well, we might have to kick some zombie butt but I'll make sure I'll protect you, Yukina! And Keiko too!" He grinned but Yukina was the only one who returned the favor. Go figure. So much for trying to be the cheerleader. "Besides that, zombies only eat people, right Hiei?' He just rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, man. Just this once since you're the who's the expert apparently."

"Zomboid-apocalypse-dot-org," he replied.

What, is that his Saturday night plans or something? He sighed again and turned on the car. He glanced at his phone. Mapquest said there was some sort of burger place forty-five minutes away. What the hell was a burger place doing in Japan anyway?

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